I have spent the last 7 years obsessively healing and rigorously personally developing. I’ve traveled to different countries and worked with some amazing shamans, I’ve worked with some high level coaches, I’ve read the books that many claim to have the most useful tools and insights, and I’ve spent extensive time in committed practice with said tools.
I’ve made immense strides, and I STILL find myself struggling with the same challenges.
In the heat of the moment, it can feel discouraging. I sometimes feel like I should be further along by now.
In those moments, I try to remember to nourish myself with these four truths:
- Not everyone is going to love you, and that’s a great thing. Most of our internal “problems” can be boiled down to the fact that we want to be loved. When we are actively being loved, it can feel as if all of our other problems do not matter. This love will come and go again and again as we continue to change and evolve. We live in a world of duality, so as we individuate further, this will make certain people love us even more, and it may lead to others loving us less. It’s not personal, so don’t take it personally. Rather than obsessively seeking the love that is hard to get, we must practice appreciating the love that we already have and continue giving it to ourselves.
- You will always be a perfectly imperfect human, just like everyone else. Our imperfections are the pieces of us that allow us to be different. These differences are the unique aspects of us that allow others to love us for who we truly are. What we perceive as an imperfection within ourselves is often something that will eventually be perceived by someone else as a superpower, but we must first learn to embrace it ourselves. As we continue to learn to love the imperfections within us, our external world will begin to reflect that and we will experience more love. Chasing perfection will only set us up for recurring disappointment.
- No matter what you do, you will never be free from life’s challenges. It doesn’t matter how much spiritual work we do. As long as we are humans on this earth, we will continue to experience the challenges that are intelligently designed for where we are in our current stage of evolution. No human is immune to this. Even the multi-millionaire who seemingly has the perfect life is struggling with their own unique set of challenges that may not necessarily be more comfortable than the challenges of a similar man with less wealth. If we’re seeking to reach that comforting place on this planet that is beyond challenge, our bubble will be bursted eventually, because that place does not exist here on earth.
- The nature of this world that is full of challenges means that you must be compassionate with yourself. It is not easy to be a human on this earth. At times, it can feel like a constant struggle. Remember that this is a part of the human experience. These challenges provide us with an opportunity to learn how to be more compassionate with ourselves. It would be impossible to learn self compassion without receiving the opportunity to apply it. The next time you feel like you might not be where you want to be is a great time to flex and strengthen your self-compassion muscles. Be kind to yourself, because you’re doing your best. We all are.
It can be so easy to fall into the trap that if we go on this retreat, or complete this course, or work with this coach, then we can get to this enlightened place that is beyond all struggle. The constant pursuit of achieving this enlightened state where problems and challenges cease to exist will eventually lead to an experience of suffering.
As we chase this false reality, we send subtle messages to ourselves that where we are right now is not good enough.
It’s true that there are some really great tools out there, some worth paying money for.
But at the end of the day, you are always going to be stuck with you, so you must learn to treat yourself with kindness, gentleness, and patience.
You are and will always be your closest neighbor and most intimate partner. That relationship with yourself is going to influence all other aspects of your life, so take care of it.
I hope this message helps you cultivate a kind home for yourself within your mind and your heart.